The Phobias
by momoParty
Summary: A collection of one-shots in which silly phobias arise. Slightly OOC.
1. Agrizoophobia

**This is just something really random. This would never happen but it just popped into my head... It's written like a play because that's how I saw it in my head.**

**xxx**

Edward: (looking confused as he sees his fiancée) Bella...? Alice told me you needed me... Why are you standing on top of your truck? (sees that she is shaking) What's wrong?! Are you hurt?!

Bella: (indeed standing on the hood of her truck, looking terrified) Edward! (whimpers and points at the truck beneath her)

Edward: (now internally freaking out at Bella's odd behavior) What?! Is something wrong with your truck? (runs over to truck and inspects it) It looks fine to me...

Bella: (whimpers, then gasps out the words) No, it's... it's... not the truck... it's... (sobs and covers her face with her hands fearfully)

Edward: (clearly panicking and frustrated) Bella! Please, tell me what's wrong! (attempts to pull her down from the truck)

Bella: (allows to be held by Edward) It's... under it. (whimpers)

Edward: What's under what? Is something under your truck? (Bella nods and he tries to stand her up on the ground to take a look)

Bella: (sobs) Nodontputmedown! (clings to him)

Edward: Bella, love, calm down. It's okay. (steps away from the truck and peeks underneath it)

Bella: (fearfully glances under the truck and squeals) Edward...please! It's...

Edward: (stands up and grins slightly) Bella, you just ran over a squirrel.

Bella: (nods) I... I didn't mean to!

Edward: (turns Bella away from the truck and tries to comfort her) Why are you getting so upset about this, love?

Bella: It's... a wild animal and... (whimpers) it's scary.

Edward: (chuckles) Bella, I think you might have acquired agrizoophobia.

Bella: (sobs finally subsiding) Huh?

Edward: The fear of wild animals.

Bella: Oh... (eyes gathering with fresh tears) But...

Edward: Yes, Alice told me it would be ironic.

**xxx**

**Agrizoophobia – the fear of wild animals**


	2. Allodoxaphobia

Alice: (modeling a blue pixie Halloween costume for Bella in some dressing room somewhere) What do you think of this one? Too short?

Bella: (groaning) Aliccce! Do I really have to be here? You already know which one I'll like!

Alice: (gracefully stepping behind a curtain and reappearing instantly in a different costume) Oh, come on Bella! Don't be a baby! This is an essential part of being human!

Bella: Not all humans go trick-or-treating. I haven't been in years. Plus, we're too old.

Alice: You're never too old! I never remember going and this is the first time I can force someone to come with me. (gesturing to furry black cat ensemble) What about this one?

Bella: (shrugging at the costume) But I don't _want_ to. (pouts)

Alice: Bella, you _ will _come trick-or-treating with me and – (stares off blankly)

Bella: (walks up beside Alice) Alice? What do you see? Alice?

Alice: (confused and worried, focuses on Bella) Hmm. We should go.

Bella: (slightly concerned but more happy) Why? What's wrong?

Alice: (gathering costumes) I'm not sure why, but I see Jasper screaming and running away from me yelling 'La la la la la' with his hands over his ears.

Bella: (elated to be leaving) Okay! I guess you'll have to find a costume some other time without me.

Alice: (walking to register) Oh, no! I'll buy all of these (nods to dangerously tall stack of outfits) then decide which is the best one!

Bella: (sighs) Alright.

**xxx LATER THAT DAY AT THE CULLEN RESIDENCE xxx**

Bella: (setting down the few bags she had been holding in the doorway) Edward? We're back!

Alice: (sauntering in behind Bella carrying so many bags that you could barely see her) Bella, I'll put these in my room so we can decide which ones we want later.

Edward: (suddenly appearing by Bella's side) Bella! (hugs her and looks at Alice with amusement)

Bella: What?

Edward: Nothing...

Alice: (racing up the stairs then appearing back in the foyer without any bags) Jasper?

Jasper: (sitting on the couch watching TV) Yes?

Alice: Would you like to help me decide what costume to wear tomorrow for Halloween? I could really use your opinion.

Jasper: (leaps fearfully from the couch to stand with his back pressed against the wall of windows, as far away from Alice as possible) No! No, no, no...

Alice: (wounded) All I want is your opinion-

Jasper: (jumps out the window, smashing it, with his hands over his ears screaming 'la la la la la')

Alice: (looks bewildered and silently asks Edward something)

Edward: Allodoxaphobia.

Bella: Huh?

Edward: Fear of opinions.

**xxx**

**Well, in my opinion this one is better than the other... but I could be wrong. So, hopefully I'll find some new crazy phobias to write about. Any suggestions? R&R please!!**


	3. Gerontophobia

**Sorry it's been so long since my last update! School, social life and bunches of other crap interfered. Plus, this really isn't at the top of my list of priorities and I really don't have many ideas. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and your suggestions (especially to Fariy Lights, I'll probably use your suggestions soon!) and all who favorited as well. So without further ado…**

**xxx**

**Many years after Breaking Dawn, the Cullens return to Forks…**

Edward: (sitting with Bella on the couch watching tv) So is Charlie coming over today?

Bella: Yeah. He's so excited to see us, he said.

Edward: You haven't seen him since after we got back from China, right?

Bella: I guess so… wow. It's been a while.

Edward: (looks toward door and hears the car shutting off) Nessie? Charlie's here.

Renesmee: (running from upstairs) Coming!

Bella: (opening door for Charlie) Hey da-aaaa (runs upstairs)

Edward: (follows her) Bella?

Charlie: (looking for Bella) Whaaa…?

Renesmee: (taking Bella's place) Hey Grandpa!

Charlie: (jumps back, shocked) Nessie? (stares at her incredulously)

Renesmee: (smiles and gives him a hug) Yep!

Charlie: (smiling back, still shocked) How long were you guys in China? You're all grown up!

Renesmee: (giggles) Well, you know how fast I grow and anyways, China was amazing! (continues to show Charlie about their trip to China)

**xxx MEANWHILE UPSTAIRS xxx**

Edward: (consoling Bella up in his room) What's wrong, love?

Bella: (scared by her own reaction) It's Charlie… he's … he's… so _old._

Edward: (looking scared) Bella, you knew what was going to happen once you were changed. (starts going all emo-edward-y) I never should have let-

Bella: (pressing her finger to his lips) And let me die? No, this is right it's just... not Charlie that I'm scared of and not losing him that I'm scared of – although I am scared of that just not at the moment – but it's just the _old_ that terrifies me.

Edward: (senses some sort of rant and lets her continue)

Bella: It's so irrational though! Even if I was a human, I probably could still take down Charlie. Plus, now I'm bulletproof! It's senseless! (confusedly paces room)

Edward: (realization dawning on him) Gerontophobia?

Bella: Excuse me?

Edward: (seeing the insult in Bella's face, phrases his sentence more of a question) Fear of… old people…?

Bella: (rolling her eyes) Great! Another thing to make me a freak!

**xxx**

**So, really not one of my bests. I really can't get a hold on writing characters post-Breaking Dawn (with the exceptions of Esme, Charlie and Rosalie) and that frustrates me. But, it's better than nothing, right?**

**As always, suggestions much appreciated! What do YOU want to read about?**

**AND… do you have any ideas on a story/collection of oneshots you'd like me to write. I'm really drained of ideas.**


	4. Catoptrophobia

**Thank you Nicky-Hale for the idea for this one! And all the other reviewers as well. Your ideas are what keep me writing. :) Enjoy!**

**xxx RETURNING FROM AN EXTENSIVE HUNTING TRIP xxx**

Rosalie: (brushing dirt from her arms while running through the woods) Ugh! I'm atrocious!

Emmett: (chuckling) That's impossible. You're the most beautiful vampire in the history of the world.

Rosalie: (smiling slightly then remembering her atrocity and ignoring him) This is all your fault. If you hadn't forced me to challenge that family of grizzlies I'd be perfectly clean right now and not caked in disgusting unmentionables.

Emmett: (reaching the river and running through it) This will clean you off!

Rosalie: (getting soaked) Ugh! You moron! Now I'm _muddy!_ (stomps off into the house and upstairs)

Emmett: (rolling his eyes) Come on, Rose! I just wanted to try to liven things up a bit! (listening to the silence from upstairs) Please, Rose! Don't get mad! It was just a game!

Rosalie: (screeching from the hallway) I don't want to play any more of your dirty games, Emmett!

Bella: (sitting on the couch watching tv) That's what she said!

Edward: (high fives Bella and laughes)

Emmett: (chuckles and runs into his and Rosalie's room) Rose, seriously?

Rosalie: (looking through her closet) Humph. (stomps into the bathroom and runs back out into Emmett's arms)

Emmett: (contently hugs her) You forgive me?

Rosalie: (shakily whispering into Emmett's shirt) No.

Emmett: (confusedly looks into the bathroom) Then why…?

Rosalie: The mirror… it… I don't understand.

Emmett: (poking the mirror) Huh? It looks fine to me.

Rosalie: No… It's just, I don't get it. (sobs and runs to hug Bella who'd appeared in the doorway)

Emmett: (looking confusedly between Rosalie, the mirror, and Bella) Neither do I. What's wrong with the mirror, Rose?

Rosalie: (dry sobbing into Bella's shoulder) It's terrifying!

Bella: (speaking to Edward who'd come up beside her) Can I diagnose this one?

Edward: (laughing) Sure.

Bella: (smiling sympathetically) Catoptrophobia.

Emmett: (pulling Rosalie into his chest) Is it terminal?

Edward: (laughing harder) No, it's fear of mirrors.

Rosalie: (screams)

**xxx**

**Yay! I actually updated within like… a month. Haa. Anyways, I think this one was pretty good. Again, thanks Nicky-Hale! I will hopefully use another of your ideas if I have the time.**

**To readers-but-not-reviewers:**

**Please review. Even if you don't have a fanfiction account or you don't feel like logging in, just submit it anonymously. If you don't have time, a simple 'Yay' or 'it was ok' or even 'kw!' is motivation. If I feel like no one is reading these, then there is really no point in posting them because it'll just take up space.**

**p.s. kw = keep writing! **


End file.
